“Worst Episode Ever!”; The Simpsons Movie

Simpsons MovieEver heard of Gilgamesh? He is the hero of the world’s oldest epic. Gilgamesh becomes a hero on his journeys. That pretty much sums up the Simpsons movie I went to see with Lisa and about 50 other people yesterday. Sitting in the third row of the Royal English Cinema was a better idea thanks to the fairly big screen and the comfortable seats. A short report of our experience follows below. No spoilers, as usual.

The Simpsons Movie Ticket

The Simpsons movie is targeted at a broad audience, from children to blockbuster-buffs to members of the mainstream who consider themselves alternative and “politically concerned” and who probably are vegans too… The movie is totally about US-politics and “the environment”, a cheap attempt at slipping through the door Al Gore had opened during the academy awards.

The Simpsons-movie is more sassy than the usual episode. For example: Ned Flanders would’ve never used the word “penis”, or neither you would have seen one.

In my opinion there were way too many screenwriters, a team of two would’ve been enough. The story feels too polished without any striking features that you either love or hate. It’s so-so.

“You can’t stretch the structure of an episode 22 minutes long to 90 minutes!” Lisa says. She’s right. But still I would’ve liked something in the style of “22 short stories about Springfield”. Some characters are just thrown in only for the reason of being in the movie. Hans Moleman has his second, as do Dr. Nick or Otto; Ms. Krabappel and Skinner are just faces in the crowd. Even my favorite character, Mr. Burns, has only a few and not really funny minutes on the screen. Boooring!

The Simpsons Movie. In two-point-five-dee

In the Teaser #2 Moe claims that the movie was totally 2D but even the fucking first shot consists of fucking toon-shaded CGI. What is this? I’d rather settle for some not so realistic 2D than for hyper-realistic CGI where it’s not appropriate! Alright, some shots had to be 2.5-D such as the dolly through the angry mob but that’s it. Just look at Lion King, Disney’s best modern animation movie! Usage of 3D was subtle, barely to make out. That’s the way I know The Simpsons from television and that’s the way I want to see it in the theater! Jeez…

Hans Moleman Zimmer

The mawkish soundtrack by the German count of epic movie scores himself, Hans Zimmer, sounds exactly as suspected: Like molten butter with sugar and cream and even more butter: Sweet, yes, but it makes you sick after a few sips. The producers probably were afraid of putting Alf Clausen in charge, or even Danny Elfman. Each of them would’ve given the movie a more ironic twist instead of emphasizing the mood already given by the happenings on screen.

Suggestion for improvement: The story would’ve been better when centered in Springfield rather than jumping back and forth between locations, perhaps with Mr. Burns as arch villain, or any secret identity of the comic book guy.

Where’s Rainier?

Rainier Wolfcastle is no more. The screenwriters (about a dozen !!exclamation marks from hell!!) changed his hair to brown and his name to the even more awkwardly sounding “Arnold Schwarzenegger”, however this is pronounced or whatever this should mean…

The paragraphs above probably came out wrong. It’s not a bad movie. It’s not the best one out there too. If you like the taste of popcorn, a carefree evening without thinking much about the movie you’re watching then it’s the movie for you.

And when you sit through the complete credits sequence then the squeaky-voiced-teen appears and says some very true lines that gave us the best laugh in the whole movie. Let’s just hope that Maggie is not right with her first word.

Congratulations, Mr Groening. You sold out the Simpsons. May you enjoy the money from now till evermore.

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