I’ve noticed over the past years that quite some people feel that you should die instantly of all the shitload of donkey diarrhea you put on moviegoers, fans of the horror genre and fans of the video games you rape in your films. But I tell those people “Give the poor man a break!” because as some kind of pseudo-filmmaker myself I understand that you must love your film-making, ordering people around and getting money for it. But is this the true you?

Take an example: Are you a good singer? I am surely not. If I start singing then birds die and children get nightmares for years. While everybody (including me) hates the noises I produce, I wish I was a famous rock singer and on stage with Led Zeppelin or Kansas. Every now and then in the loneliness of my car with my music on the max, I attempt singing — and it is fun. But I keep it real and know that I will never ever be a rock singer and focus my life on what I am good at and is fun.

I guess it is the same with you. Let’s face it: You are not a good director and when you make a movie our dreams die and we all get nightmares from your way of “directing” and your “vision”. It is perfectly okay if you would get together with a couple of friends, have some beer and then put out the old Betamax camera on a tripod and shoot some silly horror splatter-movie loosely based on a videogame you guys enjoyed that afternoon. The next day you view it with your mates, you all share a good laugh and get back to your everyday life.

It is time for you to look deep inside your heart and realize that you are as much of a film director as I am a rock singer. It is not nice of you torturing people just to feed your ego. Yes, we all know that you *can* do it, make a movie, no matter what critics say — what do they know anyway, right? — or how to finance it via some dodgy investment fonds. But proving that all over and over again won’t make your films better, it makes them only bitter. I think you should really wake up at some point and realize that you are just a stubborn 8-year-old who insists on getting what he wants or else he’s pissed and lets it out on everybody else. And this kind of malign narcissism helps nobody, especially not your development as productive human being in society.

People say nasty things about your films, yes, and they tend to get very personal but the point is not to respond on an even lower level and jump other directors in a childish attempt to disguise your own shortcomings. No, the point is to accept their opinion, and if there are more than 300.000 people that signed a petition that should make you think. So why not let the midlife crisis kick in on you big time and try something totally different in your life like, a return to boxing or why not begin acting, rock-singing or politics? Or how about something that does not affect anybody apart from yourself such as collecting model trains, playing video games or breeding iguanas? Or write a book — after all you hold a doctorate in literature so at least you know about spelling and grammar way better than any of us.

Think about it. And take your time.

I hope I could raise some questions for your personal quest for your Meaning of Life. I feel you should take a break from all the hassle for a couple of months and reflect on your inner self in the solitude of a temple.

Get well soon!
Yours,
Phil